Employee Handbook: The Definitive Guide to Not Getting Fired by Sarah from HR

Chapter 1: The Rules (Don't Even Think About Breaking Them)

Rule 1: Be on time. Don't make us come over there to collect your stuff. We're not your personal Ubers, Sarah from HR.

Go to the Break Room Snack Policy for more information on how to fuel your productivity with an endless supply of stale donuts.

Chapter 2: The Perks (You'll Need Them)

Perk 1: Free Parking for those who dare to arrive before the sun rises. Don't worry, the coffee will be there too.

Go to Mental Health Days for more info on how to game the system with a well-timed "I'm feeling a little off" excuse.

Chapter 3: The Fine Print (You Will Get Fined)

Fine 1: Tardiness Fine for being late. We have a team of highly trained, ninja-like auditors who will track you down and fine you for being slow.

Go to Tardiness Fines to learn more about how our team of highly trained ninja auditors will track you down and fine you into submission.

Go to Exit Interviews to see how we've been quietly firing people in the middle of the night while you're reading this handbook.